i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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