it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dignity is for republicans.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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