So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
