But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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