My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
