I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
