I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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