I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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