does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't think brook has ever known best
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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