I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
