haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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