Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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