Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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