Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
