So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize