well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
