so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
