No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
