he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
