she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
