i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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