this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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