I'm drive I can fine osifer
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
