I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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