He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
