The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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