now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
from now on my penis is your penis
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
