I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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