she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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