Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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