doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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