I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
