It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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