Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
