I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize