Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
