96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
3 2 1 whiskey
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
