i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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