I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
