I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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