We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
