I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
