so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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