I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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