On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
