dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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