I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
