oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
