o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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