you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize