And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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