Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
