I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
