i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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