I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
