i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
