my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize