took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
