I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
