he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
