today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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