oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
